Joy in Tough Seasons

My book launch party for the Christian fiction book I wrote, Wrapped in Mercy, was a couple of weeks ago. Writing and publishing this book had been a long-time dream of mine. Then, in the midst of publishing the book, I had a health crisis and ended up in the hospital for eight long months. The party was attended by a good mix of friends, family, and people who had cared for me along the way of my health crisis. As one of my friends put it, it was not just a book launch party; it was a meeting of people who helped change the trajectory of my life and were having revenge on the enemy. It was truly a special day. 

It has been a difficult season, to say the least, but also one filled with hope and joy. It is a strange thing to hold grief and joy in your heart at the same time. But through it all, what has been cemented in my heart is that God is good. 

I have spent the majority of my life pursuing God. I have wanted to grow closer to Him and know Him better for as long as I can remember. That is not to say I didn’t have seasons of struggles or doubts. But ultimately, a relationship with God has always been important to me. 

Before I went into the hospital, I had my routines of how to connect with God. I would read my Bible, pray, journal, listen to podcasts, and worship music. However, for eight months, that was stripped away. I couldn’t read my Bible, it made me nauseous. I didn’t have the capacity to listen to podcasts or journal. I had to rely on what I knew about God. I knew Him to be loving and kind. I also had to rely on the promise in scripture that says, “… for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV) 

During my stay in the hospital, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. My mom and I are very close. We are also birthday buddies; I was born on her birthday. So to be hospitalized and unable to be there for my parents when they needed me devastated me. On the flip side, to not have the person who had always been the first person I called not be there for me during the most difficult time in my life was also devastating. I would cry to my husband, “Why is God allowing all of this to happen at the same time? Why am I not allowed to be with my parents to help?”

I remember one day I was wheeled down to a testing room for an ultrasound. The technician finished, but left me in the room for someone to come get me and wheel me to the CT room. As I lay there alone in the room, I cried out to God. I said, “God, I don’t understand any of this, but I do know you are there and you haven’t abandoned me. Please help me. Please take care of my parents.” I received no answers to my questions that day, but I did feel a lot of peace. I prayed and handed everything that was happening at the time over to the Lord, the best way I knew how. 

I still didn’t understand the timing of everything, why any of us were having to go through any of this, but I did know that God had not forsaken me. God had not left me. I had not been sent to the hospital and been forgotten about. 

One Sunday, a few months after I had gotten home from the hospital, I was having a conversation with my pastor’s wife. She said something along the lines of, “When you are accustomed to connecting with God one way, and those paths are suddenly gone, it is an act of faith to know that God is still there.” She summed up what I was feeling so beautifully. I had to rely on faith to know that God was still there. He had not abandoned me. His promises were still true despite my circumstances.

This life offers so much grief. We live in a fallen world, and all you have to do is look at social media or the news to know that grief abounds. However, God offers so much joy. God is joy, so in walking with Him, you will walk with joy. God took care of me in the hospital in so many ways, even when I struggled to feel it at the time. I still have what at times can feel like a daunting road of recovery ahead of me, but I can tell you story after story after story of His faithfulness during this season. 

One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is Zephaniah 3:17. The Passion Translation says, “Yahweh, your God, is inside you. He is the Warrior-Savior who takes such delight in you that it will make him leap for joy and shout with great gladness. Yes, he will soothe you with his love. He will sing over you his song of praise.” 

Can you picture it? The God of the universe, the Creator of all things, the Giver of Life – He dances and sings and leaps for joy over you! Over you! At the very thought of you! Not over what you have done or accomplished or your plans, but just who you are. That is amazing. And because of that, we should always have joy! That thought alone should put a smile on your face. That no matter what is going on. No matter how many tears you have cried. No matter the fears you are facing down, God is dancing and rejoicing over you!