Hope

Disillusionment is a tricky thing. To become disillusioned means we first have to believe in something: an idea, circumstance, person, and then when that thing or person, we have believed in doesn’t turn out or act in the way we expected we can become disillusioned. Disillusionment can be painful. It can also open the door to bitterness.  Nobody particularly likes to be wrong and most of us don’t like to be wrong in something we really believed in.

This can be particularly true when we are talking about God. Painful moments in our lives can result in disillusionment with God. We often say but God I prayed, I believed in you, I did everything “right”. How come this did not turn out the way I wanted or expected it to. I think most of us who have walked with God for any length of time have experienced disillusionment. I know I certainly have.

One particular example from my life is meeting my husband. I prayed faithfully for my husband for years, and I felt that it was a real promise from God that I would have my heart’s desire in that one day. This all began in my twenties, and I did not meet and marry my husband until I was well into my forties. That was a lot of time to wait, wonder, be disappointed and become disillusioned.. But it also led me to a place of continually laying down my agenda and saying not my will God, but yours. Was I perfect in this? No way! Sometimes there was a lot of whining and crying that accompanied these prayers. However, it was definitely a process in which God strengthened me, and I learned to rely more on HIm. 

The disciples experienced this too. They believed that Jesus was going to establish an earthly kingdom and overthrow the current government. They couldn’t wrap their minds around that fact that God was doing something much much bigger. He sent Jesus to earth along with His kingdom so that you and I some 2000 years later could have a relationship with God. It wasn’t about the immediate future of the world at that time it was about all of humanity. 

God thinks so much bigger than we do. I believe our disillusionment really comes when we realize God is not going to do what we thought He was going to do in the time frame we expected. So isn’t disillusionment really about control? I can’t control God, so I become disillusioned with Him? When that realization hit me, repentance was in order. I do not see everything God sees. I do not see the big picture or all of time. He is definitely more qualified to make these decisions. The good news: He never becomes disillusioned with us!

So I believe it is our job to guard our hearts. Proverbs 13:12 says Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes it is a tree of life. Don’t let your heart become sick. Hope in God. He is for you not against you!